Bird Dog & Retriever News

April / May 2003 issue Page 66

 The Last Laugh

We are not politically correct or your usual stuffy magazine

 

Great Scott Sherlock
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked Sherlock.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
Watson continued, "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."

Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
Aren't you one of the Village People?

Top 10 reasons we breed dogs
1 - Wanted to see if spouse really meant those vows
2 - We trial one dog, why not TEN?
3 - Kids weren't enough of a challenge
4 - Neighbors didn't complain enough
5 - Garden, backyard and frontyard needed renovations and didn't want to pay a gardener.
6 - Love the sounds of puppies in the morning, noon, afternoon, midnight, pre dawn, etc.
7 - Thought the furniture looked too nice.
8 - Wanted my vet to get that new BMW
9 - Never did like having a full nights sleep
10 - Thought the house was too orderly

Sporting Chance
One evening, a lady unexpectedly came home and caught her husband in the act of cheating on her. The rural housewife went back to the rear of the house and returned with the family's .22 caliber rifle.
Aiming the weapon at her husband's balls she said, "I'm gonna turn a bull into a steer, Billy Bub!"
"No, no!" pleaded Billy Bub. "Not like this! Come on, Wynona, give me a sporting chance, Darlin'!"
Wynona replied, "Alright, Billy Bub. I will. You can set 'em to swinging."

 

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Copyrights Bird Dog & Retriever News May 2003
Do not reproduce or retransmit in any form, and we surf the web, we'll find you.
Maintained by Dennis Guldan e-mail
Bird Dog & Retriever News, 563 17th Ave NW, New Brighton, MN 55112,
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