The Last Laugh
We are not politically correct or your usual stuffy magazine
Great Scott Sherlock
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After
a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night
and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked Sherlock.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells
me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions
of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Chronologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter
Watson continued, "Theologically, I can see that God is
all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically,
I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what
does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you
idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."
Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...
Want to race to the station, Sparky?
Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could
you hold my beer for a minute?
"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last
week on TV?
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us
Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
Is it true that people become policemen because they are too
dumb to work at McDonalds?
Aren't you one of the Village People?
Top 10 reasons we breed dogs
1 - Wanted to see if spouse really meant those vows
2 - We trial one dog, why not TEN?
3 - Kids weren't enough of a challenge
4 - Neighbors didn't complain enough
5 - Garden, backyard and frontyard needed renovations and didn't
want to pay a gardener.
6 - Love the sounds of puppies in the morning, noon, afternoon,
midnight, pre dawn, etc.
7 - Thought the furniture looked too nice.
8 - Wanted my vet to get that new BMW
9 - Never did like having a full nights sleep
10 - Thought the house was too orderly
One evening, a lady unexpectedly came home and caught her husband
in the act of cheating on her. The rural housewife went back
to the rear of the house and returned with the family's .22 caliber
Aiming the weapon at her husband's balls she said, "I'm
gonna turn a bull into a steer, Billy Bub!"
"No, no!" pleaded Billy Bub. "Not like this! Come
on, Wynona, give me a sporting chance, Darlin'!"
Wynona replied, "Alright, Billy Bub. I will. You can set
'em to swinging."
That's it til next issue!